i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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