i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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