I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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