omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
