I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
