the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
