dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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