I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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