did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
