I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
