i just google imaged poop.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize