Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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