Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
