Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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