Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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