it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
