he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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