Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
