..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
