I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
