The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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