The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
