Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
