my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
