RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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