i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
