your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im holly from the hills drunk
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize