Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
