I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
