I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We have started to decorate penises.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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