And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
