Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
