This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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