Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
