we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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