I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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