like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My vagina just clenched in fear
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
