I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
