Porn is love you can see.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
