I want to stick my p in your. b.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
