i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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