sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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