I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
