Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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