Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
