Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
