who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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