you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
