she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
