I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
