Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
