They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
