You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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