Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
