That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
