By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
