your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
