i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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