get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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