i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
