Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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