What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
