omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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