I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
