Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
