party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
