i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
